


NO CHICK FLICK MOMENTS

by plum_blossom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Multi, Romantic Comedy AU, Screenplay/Script Format, rom com
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28922625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plum_blossom/pseuds/plum_blossom
Summary: What if SPN were a romantic Netflix comedy?Inspired by Emilia Edits and Emily Meagher on YouTube.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	NO CHICK FLICK MOMENTS

WARNER SIS. presents

in association with NETFLIX

a NETFLIX ORIGINAL

inspired by EMILIA EDITS and EMILY MEAGHER on YouTube

  
  


_ NO CHICK FLICK MOMENTS _

starring MISHA COLLINS

SYDNEY IMBEAU 

JENSEN ACKLES

JARED PADALECKI 

and ALONA TAL

  
  


**_SEASON 1; pilot episode_ **

_ SCENE 1 _

_ It all starts in a little supermarket in Deepwater, about a hundred miles from Kansas City. It’s a relatively warm spring day and the sun is shining. A bell jingles, the camera sways to the glass doors and we can see a man enter the supermarket.  _

_ He’s got short, messy black hair and blue eyes. And despite the warm weather, he’s wearing a suit and a Trenchcoat. His name is Castiel. _

_ He looks around briefly and goes to the counter. He clears his throat.  _

CASTIEL

Uh. Hello.

Is anyone here?

CLAIRE

You also here for the job interview?

_ The camera cuts to a POV from which we can see over Castiel’s shoulder, following his gaze as he turns his head. Between a door and a slushie machine, there’s two white chairs. One of them is occupied by a blonde girl in fishnets, a short skirt and a tank top. There’s tattoos on her arms and she’s wearing heavy make-up. That’s Claire. She’s chewing gum.  _

CASTIEL

Yes.

(Looks at her insistently.)

CLAIRE

Nobody taught you it’s rude to stare?

CASTIEL

Is it? 

CLAIRE (with narrowed eyes)

You’re pretty weird, you know that?

CASTIEL (frowning)

Is it really necessary to hide your natural skin beneath those products?

_ She looks at him with a raised brow and doesn’t answer. He sits down next to her and thoughtfully stares off into the air. We can watch them from a low angle shot.  _

_ There’s pop music coming from some radio in the shop. _

CASTIEL

You know, I’ve been thinking. Apes and bunnies are such delicate creatures. Is it really necessary to test cosmetics on them? 

I mean, how important is lipstick really?

CLAIRE

You’re… not from here, are you?

CASTIEL 

(snapping out of his mind)

No. I just moved here. 

CLAIRE

Wow. That’s pretty sad, man.

CASTIEL

Why?

CLAIRE

Well, because this place is a shithole.

CASTIEL (sighing)

I was looking for someone. You don’t happen to know one Damon Crowley?

CLAIRE

No. Why are you looking for him?

CASTIEL

He’s an old friend. 

And someone told me I need friends.

CLAIRE

Well, then you got the wrong address.

Deepwater is the last place where you’ll make friends.

CASTIEL

Do you think you’ll get the job?

CLAIRE

I’m thinking you need it more than I do. 

CASTIEL

(Looking at her)

Really?

CLAIRE

Yeah. Let me see your resume.

CASTIEL

Resume?

CLAIRE

You… you mean to tell me you don’t have a resume?

A CV? Anything?

CASTIEL

No.

CLAIRE

You… got any experience?

CASTIEL

In what?

CLAIRE

You must have, like, had other jobs. Right?

CASTIEL

I… don’t remember. 

CLAIRE

What, you’ve got Alzheimer’s, or something?

CASTIEL

It was a car accident. I lost a lot of my memory.

CLAIRE

Well.

You’re gonna need all the help you can get, pal.

You a good liar?

CASTIEL

Not particularly, no.

CLAIRE

Well, shit.

I guess you’ll just have to let me do the talking. 

Do you have any special skills?

CASTIEL 

Uh. I’m really good at handling bees.

CLAIRE (blinking)

Alright. 

That’s… something.

I’m Claire by the way.

(Offers her hand.)

CASTIEL

(Awkwardly shaking the hand.)

Castiel Novak

CLAIRE

Nice to meet you.

Let’s show that motherfucker you deserve a job.

CASTIEL

I… Okay.

  
  
  


_ SCENE 2 _

_ Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor is playing. We see the license plate of a 1967 Chevrolet Impala as it’s pulling up into a parking lot at the side of the road. The plate says KAZ 2Y5.  _

_ Camera cut; we can now see the driver, a man with short blond hair and green eyes, who is singing along to Eye Of The Tiger as he turns off his car. That’s Dean. He’s bi, but he doesn’t know it yet. _

_ Camera sway to the left; The man on the passenger seat has long, brown hair and brown eyes and is taller than the first one. He looks a little annoyed, lips pressed together. That’s Sam. His ass is currently sore from sitting for such a long time. _

SAM

Finally!

(gets out of the car.) 

DEAN

(Unwillingly turning off the music and getting out as well.)

Look, it’s called a  **road trip** , because you spend time  **on the road.**

SAM

(Sighing.)

Remind me why I said yes again?

DEAN

Uh, because your girlfriend is a bore?

SAM

Hey! At least I have one.

(Slaps the back of Dean’s head.)

DEAN

Hey, whoa!

(Slaps Sam’s hand away.)

That’s my move. Big brother slaps little brother's head. Not the other way around. 

I don’t make the rules. 

Except I do.

  
  


_ Camera is set behind them as they enter the building they parked in front of. The camera sways up and we can read the lettering above the doors: Harvelle Motel.  _

_ Camera cut; front view of Sam and Dean as they enter. Everything is quiet. Dean looks around. _

_ Camera is now set in the back left corner of the room and we can see the furniture as the brothers take a few steps into the room. There are ugly little couches and low tables and dusty carpets.  _

_ A person enters from a door behind the counter and the camera follows her as she approaches them. She is a beautiful, blonde woman with a forceful stride. She’s got a rifle in one hand.  _

_ We can see both the brothers raise their eyebrows at the gun.  _

DEAN

You intend on using that?

JO

If you two are freaks, yes.

(She points the gun at their chests.)

DEAN and SAM (in unison)

Whoa, easy!

(Taking their arms up.)

SAM

We just wanna book a room.

JO

Oh.

(Takes down rifle.)

Well, then, come on in.

_ They all move to the counter where Jo hides her rifle underneath the reception desk. We can read a sign on the counter that displays the cost of a room per night. _

_ Jo starts up a computer to register them. _

JO

What’s y’all’s names?

SAM

Sam Winchester. And that’s my brother. Dean.

DEAN (flirty)

You also got a name, beautiful?

JO (not looking up)

Jo Harvelle.

DEAN

You own this place, Jo?

JO (looking up)

To you I’m still Miss Harvelle. And no, my mother owns the motel. 

How long will you be stayin’?

SAM

One night. 

DEAN

But we can make it two if you want me to.

JO

(Leaning over the counter seductively.)

You know what you’re really good at, Dean Winchester?

DEAN

(Grinning.)

You tell me…

JO

I don’t know. But whatever it is, it’s not flirting. 

(Leaning back boredly and holding out a key.)

Here’s your key. Don’t lose it, or you’ll have to pay for it. 

Your room is on the second floor on the right.

Breakfast isn’t included, but we’ve got a bar downstairs.

_ We can see Dean and Sam’s faces. Dean looks positively puzzled, Sam positively smug. He takes the key.  _

SAM

Thank you. See you around.

JO

Yeah.

_ The camera follows the Winchester brothers as Sam drags Dean up the stairs.  _

_ Cut to Jo as she amusedly shakes her head and types something on her computer.  _

  
  


_ SCENE 3 _

_ We can see a pair of black shoes and the camera slides up the legs of the owner and then we can see his back and a backrest as he’s sitting on a chair. His name is Mr. O’kelly and he owns the shop. _

_ Camera cut; bird perspective. The man is sitting in front of a white desk. On the other side of the desk, opposite him, Castiel and Claire are sitting.  _

O’KELLY

So Mister, uh, Novak. 

Tell me about your job experience.

CASTIEL

What do you want me to say?

CLAIRE

Your previous jobs, Castiel.

CASTIEL

Oh.

I was fighting certain deadly threats to humanity in my past life.

_ Understandably, there’s an awkward pause. _

_ We can see Castiel and Claire’s faces now as they are sitting next to each other.  _

CLAIRE

What he, um, means is that he used to be an exterminator.

CASTIEL

An exterminator.

CLAIRE

But he’s left that life behind him.

See, Mr. O’kelly, he just moved here in order to start a new life.

O’KELLY (nodding slowly)

Well, that’s a pretty stupid idea, no offence.

CASTIEL

No offence taken.

_ Camera cut to O’kelly’s face as he sighs and looks down at his papers.  _

O’KELLY

Well, Mr. Novak, I could ask you more questions, but if I’m being honest with you, that would be useless. See, if Claire really wants to give this job a miss, well, then you’re the only other applicant. I can’t afford to be picky.

(Shakes hands with Castiel.)

Congratulations, Mr. Novak. Your shift starts tomorrow at 5am. Don’t be late.

CASTIEL

Thank you, Mr. O’kelly.

CLAIRE

Good day, Mr. O’kelly!

_ The camera stays positioned behind O’kelly as Castiel and Claire make their way out of the door.  _

_ Camera cut; we can see O’kelly’s face as he shakes his head and gathers up his papers. _

O’KELLY

Times are getting more and more funny, ain’t they?

Castiel Novak… What an oddball.

  
  


_ SCENE 4 _

_ The camera cuts back to outside of the supermarket. The sun is shining and we get a bird view of Deepwater. It’s a pretty green area with lots of gardens and trees lining the dusty streets between little brick houses and small, white buildings. The supermarket is a green house opposite a meadow. _

_ The camera flies down to follow Castiel and Claire who are exiting the supermarket and strolling down the street.  _

  
  


CASTIEL

Can I do anything? To thank you?

CLAIRE

Maybe sometime I’ll come back to a favour.

But for now, you’re welcome.

CASTIEL

That’s very kind.

_ The perspective changes. We get a front view of the two of them as they walk down the road. _

CLAIRE

So, where are you actually from, Mr. Novak?

CASTIEL

You can call me Castiel.

I’m from Indiana. 

CLAIRE

Right. Why you went to this town at the end of the world is still a mystery to me. 

But whatever. So, you got the job. What now?

CASTIEL

I don’t know. Do you…

Do you have a library around here?

CLAIRE

I think there’s a small public library in the Post Office, why?

CASTIEL

I thought I might read a little.

CLAIRE

Dude, it’s 82 degrees! And you wanna go sit inside and read? You’re fucking weird.

_ We don’t know what or if Castiel answers, because the camera sways away to the building they’re passing. It has a lettering on it: Harvelle Motel. _

_ The camera slides up to an open window through which we can see Dean in the bathroom, showering. (It’s Jensen, it would be a crime not to have a shower scene.) There’s music in the background, and then the noise of a door. The running of the water stops as Dean turns off the shower.  _

_ We get a close-up of his face. _

DEAN

Sammy?!

SAM (off-camera)

I’m just dropping by the local library!

DEAN

You’re such a nerd.

SAM

Fuck you, too. 

DEAN

Bitch.

SAM

Jerk.

_ The sound of running water starts again and Dean starts humming while the camera sways back down to the double doors of the motel in bird-view. Sam is coming out in t-shirt and jeans, walking off into the same direction that Castiel and Claire went.  _

_ Camera cut into the motel; We can see Jo looking up from the counter as Sam leaves. There’s a sneaky look on her face.  _

_ The camera cuts to a corridor, showing Jo walking towards the camera.  _

_ Close-up of Jo’s hand as her knuckles knock on the door.  _

DEAN (off-screen)

Just a moment!

_ Close-up of Jo biting her lip, then her shoes as she shifts her weight.  _

_ Then, we see the door open from an over-the-shoulder-perspective, following Jo’s gaze.  _

_ Dean is shirtless, towel wrapped around his waist.  _

DEAN (grinning)

Hi.

JO

Shut up.

DEAN

I will gladly if you make me.

_ Camera cut; we can see the wall next to the door.  _

_ The next second we can see Dean pushed up against it by Jo who kisses him fiercely.  _

DEAN

No matter how much I enjoy foreplay, we should get going, because my brother will be back soon.

JO

Right, come to bed, then.

_ The next thing we see is Dean pushing Jo down into the motel bed. (In your imagination of this scene, please give Dean’s arm muscles enough details, he deserves it.) _

  
  


_ SCENE 6 _

_ We can see a hand run along the backs of a row of books.  _

_ The camera zooms out so we can see Sam’s face and upper body as he pulls out a book, looks at it, and puts it back.  _

_ There’s the sound of someone muttering under their breath and we see Sam whip around to locate the sound.  _

_ It’s Castiel, sitting on a table, not far away (the room is small), muttering as he’s reading.  _

SAM

Hey.

_ No reaction. Close-up of Sam’s face, then one of Castiel’s hands as he turns the page.  _

SAM (clearing his throat)

Uh,  **hey** .

CASTIEL 

Hello. 

SAM

Do you, um, know where I can find some interesting books around here?

CASTIEL

(Points at the book he’s reading.)

SAM

Huh. Can I… join you?

_ As Castiel shrugs, Sam pulls out a chair beside him and sits down.  _

SAM

What are you reading?

CASTIEL 

Anterograde Amnesia. But this is all useless. 

SAM

You… May I ask why you’re reading about amnesia?

CASTIEL

I remember my life before this life, but not this life before the car crash. 

SAM

You might wanna see a doctor.

CASTIEL

(Shakes his head.)

I’m fine.

SAM

…whatever you say. 

I’m Sam, by the way. Winchester.

CASTIEL

Castiel Novak.

SAM

Nice to meet you.

CASTIEL

We’ll see about that. 

SAM

Uh, well. Heh. 

I’m really just looking for some good literature. Do you happen to know this place and whatever weird system they sort their books by?

CASTIEL

I found some graphic novels in the back.

SAM

I was actually looking for something law-related.

CASTIEL

Law?

SAM

Yeah.

CASTIEL

I’m sorry, but the closest thing to good literature I’ve seen in here is a biography about Elvis. 

SAM

Hah. My brother might like that.

Or he would, if he read books.

CASTIEL

(Still looking through the books on the table in front of him.)

You have a brother? 

SAM

Yup. 29 nine years of pain in the ass. 

Luckily, I just had to live through 25.

CASTIEL 

(Chuckles)

And where is he?

SAM

Oh, he’s here, too, back in the hotel. 

He was the one that insisted on going on this road trip before my marriage.

God knows what he’s up to now. Probably washing his car, or something.

_ Comedic timing: Cut to Dean in the sheets with Jo, breaths laboured, having sex. _

_ Cut back to Sam and Castiel in the library. _

SAM

But what’s your deal? How did you end up here?

CASTIEL

(Shrugging.)

People think I’m weird, because I don’t remember a lot about my past. 

But I know that I’m looking for someone.

SAM

As in, someone you know, or…?

CASTIEL

His name is Damon Crowley. 

He used to live here and I think he was a friend of mine in my past life.

SAM

Naturally, yes. That makes sense. 

CASTIEL

Was that sarcasm? 

SAM

No. No I don’t know what you mean, or why you might think that. 

CASTIEL

(Gives a wary look)

_ SCENE 7 _

_ The next day. _

_ Good Morning Life by Dean Martin is playing and we see the morning sun shine down on Deepwater. The camera guides us past the window of Dean’s room where Dean is still sleeping. It then glides past the window and to the supermarket where Castiel Novak, dressed in a blue vest, has just started his shift.  _

CASTIEL

Okay. He said…

O’KELLY’S VOICE

Unlock the counter first and set it up before the first customers come in. 

_ Shouldn’t be too hard, right? But it’s Castiel we’re talking about. At this point I could just write: Misha, do something funny! But unfortunately I am woke enough to know that this is a FanFic, so let me improvise instead: _

_ Castiel somehow manages to spread the money all over the floor as he unlocks the register. We watch him fumble with the dollar bills as he tries to stuff them back into the register. It takes him some time. Mind you, Good Morning Life is still playing while Castiel is having his little change-all-over-the-floor situation.  _

O’KELLY’S VOICE

Make sure the magazines from the stock are on the counter, readable and attractive.

_ Cut to Castiel’s very, very confused  _ ~~_ adorable _ ~~ _ face. Then, we can see what he’s looking down at: the magazines in his hands.  _

_ ‘Busty Asian Beauty’, it says on the cover, and I don’t think I have to describe the pictures.  _

CASTIEL (increasingly confused)

Readable and attractive?

_ We see harsh cuts of different arrangements of the magazines; _

_ One: The magazines are laid out neatly on the counter, covering it completely. _

_ Two: They are all in one pile and Cas has laid the newspapers on top of them.  _

_ Three: They are opened and lying on the floor.  _

_ In the end, Castiel hides the pile underneath the counter and moves on. _

O’KELLY’S VOICE

Make sure all perishables are still good. 

_ Cut straight to Castiel standing in front of the cooler, a carton of eggs in his right hand, crushing an egg with his left. The contents of the egg splash down onto the floor. Castiel smells the remains of the egg in his hand and makes an approving expression. _

O’KELLY’S VOICE

And whenever you’re bored, you can sweep the floor.

_ We see the raw egg on the floor being ‘swept away’ with a broom.  _

O’KELLY’S VOICE

Oh, and one more thing. Don’t flirt with the customers, yeah?

We’ve had an… incident with your predecessor, and I don’t want it to happen again.

_ A bell jingles and we can see Castiel look up from the glass of honey in his hands.  _

_ Camera cut to a pair of apple green eyes. _

_ ~it's someone waiting for me~ _

_ ~Who'll someday be my wife, good morning life~ _

_ Cue: Jazzy piano smash _


End file.
